- tiffy torey -

I'm frustrated.

2010-10-14T21:43:00.000-07:00

It's just so hard to understand what the world needs of you. Often I spend hours wondering what to do with my life. Or, more correctly, what to do to help out. Because I'm a person who just can't be happy when things go well for me. I want the world to be happy too. My world consists of the people I care for, and when my world is upside down I can't just hop around merrily for my own blessings. I can't help but try to see what I can do for the ones I care for. But apparently the world doesn't need my help. And apparently nothing that I do will ever count. It's not that I so badly want them to matter to them. I also do understand that my efforts won't so easily take effect the way I wish they would. It's just that I wish I know what I'm supposed to do. Sometimes when the world doesn't understand that what happens to them affects you too. And they go about hurting others by hurting themselves because they think they're alone and just can't see you.

2010-08-25T09:43:00.001-07:00

In front of all these crossroads, you could lose hope and try to run away, because you know you cannot excuse yourself from the consequences. No matter how dangerous the journey of life may seem, or how you might claim to have been dealt the short end of the stick - the truth is, everything is the result of your own choices. It is a road you chose for yourself.

Even if this path is hard, and there's no going back to change past decisions. You have to keep moving. You cannot place the blame on other people. No matter how angry or frustrated you are, that path is yours. And no one else can walk it for you.

- 逢坂大河

2010-08-21T14:37:00.001-07:00

Ten ways to love

2010-08-21T14:25:00.000-07:00

sometimes these bumper stickers makes sense.

2010-08-21T13:55:00.000-07:00

Heartbreaks and heartache? I'm not new to them. Almost everyone I've ever known has given me one little to too many heartbreaks in my life. But this is new to me. I've fallen for the first time, and this new sort of heartache is tearing my heart so fast.

:(

2010-08-12T10:20:00.000-07:00

key word: forbidden.

for friendship.

2010-07-27T07:58:00.000-07:00

about that one issue...

i feel disappointed, too, but can't show it.

the group needs someone to bring them to the happy side and i'll do just that.

these are things i need to do for friendship.

it really isn't much.

it's just something you do.

for friendship.

This is bad isn't it?

2010-07-22T09:46:00.001-07:00

I thought I can get away for a while but I'm back.

Okay, thank you for officially ruining my week.

2010-06-01T10:26:00.000-07:00

I mean really, THANK YOU. Thanks for making me look really, really bad. That's the best you've done in years. THANK YOU.

Now the funny thing is that,

2010-04-26T12:17:00.000-07:00

I'm being accused of having a boyfriend. Just because they hear someone's name pretty often.

As much as I want to act normal, I don't think I'd have a real boyfriend anytime soon.

I mean, really, I don't think I can. I wished I had an online boyfriend though.

Someone to chat with. Someone to talk to. Someone who cares from the other side of the world.

Someone I can listen to. Someone who'll be honest with me because that's all we have.

Someone who wouldn't care of my appearance because what matters is our relationship.

More importantly, someone who wouldn't be affected and shunned by my real-life dramas.

No, dears. I don't have a boyfriend because I don't think I can handle it just yet.

Just another long story.

2010-03-16T16:06:00.000-07:00

Friend 1 thinks of plan A
Friend 2 thinks it's cool
Friend 1 needs a partner for plan A
Friend 2 wants it
Friend 1 tells me the plan
Friend 2 feels insecure if she can do it
Friend 1 tells me she really really wants it
Friend 2 asks me if she can do it
I assure Friends 1 and 2 that they can do it
Friend 1 decides I should organize plan A
Friend 2 agrees
I help organize plan A

(a few days gap)

Friend 1 thinks it's brilliant
Friend 2 thinks it's hard
I ask if they want to pursue it
Friend 1 and 2 says yes
I work on it some more

(a few days gap)

Friend 1 says it's okay so far but she's losing faith
Friend 2 says she's there
I urge them to go for it because they obviously want it

(a few days gap)

Friend 1 is really excited
Friend 2 tells me she thought of plan B and wants to cancel plan A
I try to convince her not to change plans for Friend 1's sake
Friend 2 says she really wants plan B
I ask her what about Friend 1's plan A
Friend 2 says swhe thinks Friend 1 can still make it alone
I inform Friend 1 about the change of plan
Friend 1 is sad and wants to cancel everything
I try to convince Friend 1 she can still do it
Friend 1 doesn't think so
I tell Friend 2 not to feel guilty about it
I ask Friend 1 to understand Friend 2's change of heart
Friend 1 feels bad about it
I try to console her but fail
Friend 2 is excited about plan B and hints I should organize it too
I disliked the idea (still guilty about Friend 1) and told Friend 2 that I won't be organizing anything for a while

Friend 2 tells Friend 3 about Plan B asking if Friend 3 can help him with it
Friend 3 says I'm the one who's good at organizing and advises Friend 2 to ask me to organize it
Friend 2 says I'm in a bad mood and probably won't help
Friend 3 asks Friend 2 why
Friend 2 says I'm angry at her because she backed out on plan A but she really really wanted plan B
Friend 3 asks if Friend 2 really wanted plan A
Friend 2 says no and that I only persuaded her so Friend 1 can do plan A
Friend 3 says I should understand that not everything goes my way
Friend 2 says she's guilty because of Friend 1
Friend 3 tells Friend 2 not to be guilty because she just pursued what she really wanted and that Friend 1 and I should understand that
Friend 3 accidentally forwards me the above email conversation.
I didn't tell Friend 3 about the mistake.

Friend 1 seems to be avoiding all of us
I really really want to help her with plan A but she's given up on it already
Friend 2 and 3 doesn't know I read the emails
I don't want Friend 3 to think I'm bullying Friend 2 or something
Friend 2 seems to really really want Plan B
I can't figure out how to react to Friend 2 without her thinking I don't support her to have what she wants
Friend 1 doesn't know about the email conversation between Friend 2 and 3
I hate dramas, so I didn't say anything to all of them about it.

I don't know how to deal with this so I just wrote this silly journal entry.

maybe..

2009-05-16T14:41:00.000-07:00

I said something he didn't like..
Or he tired of talking to me?
He's there... he's safe.
But he's not replying...

Hi

2009-04-12T00:43:00.000-07:00

Umm.. what now?

Watching The Sky Up Above

2009-03-26T23:13:00.000-07:00

Glad to be back.. but really, i'm as busy as I ever was.
Still not sure about the spotlight thing. *sigh again*
I mean, sure I wanna show the world the things I love to do,
but if it's going to get too much attention.. well, I'm not sure anymore.
I love having my privacy... the silence of being alone is often a bliss...

Graduation

2009-03-24T23:17:00.000-07:00

Well, I should be happy. Graduation's coming up soon~ Hm... What to do? I don't know..
I guess I'm proud of myself because of all the hard work. But lately...

sighs

2009-02-20T07:19:00.000-08:00

I dislike some insensitive, senseless people. they already knew you're feeling bad and they say it AGAIN? how friendly.

Wishes

2009-02-02T04:23:00.000-08:00

I can't make a wish anymore. Long ago I had a little wish, and I was patient enough to wait for it. Just when I thought it was possible, it was taken from me. I never even got near.

So don't tell me to make a wish. Wishes will never be as magical to me as before.. because now I know, even the most patient of dreamers will not be as lucky to find an answer to his dream.. so why would I wish?

Why, hope against hope, will I long for something, when I'll never know what will become of it? Is it worth risking more heartaches?

Please don't steal~ It's so heartless to steal from someone so broken-hearted.

One Question

2009-01-19T07:19:00.000-08:00

How do you tell a guy to stop waiting for you? I mean, REALLY stop waiting?I really don't know what to tell him. I've told him many times. darn. changing numbers doesn't work. i hate lovetalks. darn. darn

Honestly?

2008-11-14T23:56:00.000-08:00

I have so many ghost accounts everywhere.

I change my mind all the time, and I used to make and focus on an a new account and then forget about it afterward.

Now, I've decided to make a user name that I can use everywhere, so it's easier to keep track. care to look for me? I'm 'oftheheights' everywhere... from now on.

Cheers.

One Last Glimpse

2008-02-23T02:00:00.000-08:00

When something's the last, you don't realize it.

Who could have known it was the last glimpse, the last chance?

Life goes on, no matter what happens it must go on.

- tiffy torey -

I'm frustrated.

Ten ways to love

sometimes these bumper stickers makes sense.

:(

for friendship.

This is bad isn't it?

Okay, thank you for officially ruining my week.

Now the funny thing is that,

Just another long story.

maybe..

Hi

Watching The Sky Up Above

Graduation

*sighs*

Wishes

One Question

Honestly?

One Last Glimpse

sighs